In the Netherlands, a country celebrated for its progressive values and acceptance, I have found a home for the past six years. Yet, my journey has been marred by unexpected challenges. As a person of color navigating the gay community, I’ve been confronted with a disheartening reality: racism in the gay community. (*Niet Getint is another way of saying “no colored”).
While the Netherlands isn’t the first country where I’ve experienced racism, it’s the first where people are so openly proud to tell me why they aren’t interested in me. This racism has recently manifested itself in a particularly stark way on Grindr, a popular dating app within the LGBTQ community. The phrase “no colored” has appeared in messages from various individuals at least 1-2 times per week since I’ve lived here, a blatant reminder of the discrimination that still exists.
The Dutch culture is known for its directness, and this “Dutch directness” comes through in messages frequently. The opposite has also occurred, where I’ve encountered people who message me that they only like “colored guys.” This is also aggressive and hypersexualized, as they are liking my color, not me.
The Pain of Rejection
Rejection is a universal human experience, but when it’s based on the color of your skin, it cuts deeper. It’s not just a rejection of compatibility or attraction; it’s a rejection of identity, culture, and humanity.
During events like Gay Pride, when communities rally around hashtags like #lovewins and #loveislove, the words “no colored” feel like a betrayal. They are not just a preference; they are a dismissal of my worth and a reinforcement of stereotypes and biases.
The Complexity of Discrimination within the LGBTQ Community
The irony of this discrimination within the LGBTQ community—a community that knows the sting of marginalization and exclusion—is both perplexing and painful.
We have fought for acceptance, understanding, and the right to love freely. Yet, within our own ranks, we sometimes perpetuate the very prejudices we’ve battled against. This irony adds a layer of complexity to the pain, highlighting the multifaceted nature of discrimination within a community that should be united.
A Deeper Look at the Challenges
The challenges I’ve faced are not isolated incidents but part of a broader pattern. In a country where the gay culture is predominantly white, the voices and experiences of people of color can be overshadowed.
Moreover, the intersection of race and sexuality creates unique challenges. Many people of color in the Netherlands come from backgrounds where homosexuality is not accepted, leading to a lack of visibility and connection. This adds another layer of complexity to the issue, making it harder to meet others or engage in relationships.
A Call for Reflection and Change
This blog post is more than a personal venting; it’s a call for reflection and change. We must recognize that racism, whether overt or subtle, has no place in our community or any community.
- Educate Ourselves: We must be willing to learn, grow, and challenge our biases. Understanding the impact of our words and actions is the first step towards change.
- Embrace Diversity: Our strength lies in our diversity. Let’s celebrate it, not diminish it. Let’s strive to see the beauty in our differences rather than use them as reasons for exclusion.
- Speak Up: Silence is complicity. If you witness discrimination, speak up. Support those who are marginalized and stand together against prejudice.
- Practice Empathy: Empathy can be a powerful catalyst for change. Put yourself in the shoes of others and imagine how your words and actions might feel.
The words “no colored” are a symptom of a deeper issue that we must confront. It’s a painful reminder that we still have work to do, both within ourselves and within our community.
I share my story not for sympathy but for awareness. By shedding light on this issue, I hope to spark a conversation that leads to understanding, compassion, and a more inclusive and loving community.
We are all worthy of love and acceptance, regardless of the color of our skin. Let’s strive to live up to the ideals we profess and create a community that truly embraces all.